my manic manicure

You know how some TV programs are rated M for mature audiences?

Ok this blog today is rated M because its only suitable for mentally stable audiences.

I am hoping to not scare away my three followers because of me being shot in the ass with a seasonal affective disorder dart!

Today is my second consecutive personal day.

Yesterday, actually I made it until lunch when i realized that i had a sizeable hole in the thigh of my jeans. Hard to feel pretty with a little dollop of icy white flesh popping out of your dark denim not-so-skinny jeans. Thankfully today i had less explaining to do b/c we had inch and a half blizzard. So i threw the snow card. But lets be real a lot of people are not skipping around this time of year! Oprah for example...also must have the winter blah's. Yesterday and today she tried to lull me out of my manic state with these sunny topics "Obese Families in Crisis" AND today "Evangelist Ted Haggard, His Wife and the Gay Sex Scandal". I never get to watch Oprah but i had remembered it too be more makeovers and book clubs- I guess its been a while. Even the news! I would like to but shock collars on the anchors and have them zapped every time they say things like 'economic downturn'. "Hey Matt Lauer THAT'S NOT NEWS- I haven't gotten highlights, a fun appetizer, or brand name cereal in like 6 months" Then they jump back on the toxic peanut butter and we all now I can't deal. Entertainment Tonight's top story is "Is Jessica Simpson's weight --is she letting herself go?"- honest guys?!?!? The girl who brought daisy duke shorts back and is dating NFL god next were going to start accusing the Olsen twins of love handles.

I might as well try to be a plus sized model.

So at the close of day 2 I decided I am ok just sort of sitting in my funk? Now don't go calling me in a prescription. Hear me out! I am so uber-in touch with my emotions I just embrace them. If its spring I listen to country music, lay in the grass, and crave berry lip gloss. Today I painted my nails the color "Lincoln Park After Dark"(if you aren't familiar with this just use your imagination its NOT in the pink family) , I also put toothpaste on my face for my latest bout of adult acne, and I have been listening to Billy Joel's "She's got a Way" on repeat. The video made me laugh-the song made me cry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otLlHv2JHTc&feature=related

Nothings wrong, really I just am not the kind of person who fights it. Some people call old friends to , take walks, and volunteer at soup kitchens. I sulk and put my phone on silent!!!!

So join me or try and talk me out of it...but i want to boil down what i've learned

1. I now view carbs as sacred- I am so sorry i've not respected you more over the years.


2. I'd sooner wear no pants- then to have the very bottom of my pant legs wet from slush.


3. I want to be a stay at home person.


4. Cool Whip in a can is the 8th deadly sin.


5. Getting your haircut like a lesbian who plays short stop- doens't help you to go face the world.


6. I am NOT suffering from the Hope Hangover like the rest of my now Obama nation.


7. Facebook reminds me that I allegedly have 347 friends but only mom wants to chat.


8. My apartment is a balmy 61 degrees, but theres no place i'd rather be.


9. I'd kill a kitten- if I could trade my shower stall for a clawfoot bathtub.


10. AND finally....If I am so hell bent that there are not good men left to date---- I'm just gonna suck it up and spend the 19.95 to make my weekends cozier.

https://www.getsnuggie.com/flare/next?tag=EDSMGOGN